Sunday, April 5, 2009

"Real Life"=++

Sometimes I feel like I haven't yet begun to live "Real life." I have this image of what my life as a functioning adult should look, house, bills paid, security, balance between work, play, service, and personal time, health, and the ability to use and indulge what I sometimes think are my talents. I'm not there. I'm nearly 28, married with kids, so I think I should be there. But then, when I think of my parents and where I was just 10 years ago, I think I've come along way. We are not rich, but I have more financial security now than I ever had as a single person (yikes!). I have a beautiful home that I love, and although I can't decorate it as I'd like, its by far the nicest place I've ever lived in. And I have four kids, who often make me feel like I've lost my mind, but I love them dearly and would do anything for them. I'm really not a very good mother though--well-intentioned, but after 5 years with Rachel I don't feel like I'm doing all she needs me to do. So no, I don't feel like I have arrived at "real life" yet.
I was thinking about this as I watched General Conference today because as I listened to the talks I had to evaluate my attitude. I spend a lot of time on things that might be good, but aren't most important. Even in my parenting, I often spend so much time thinking about what's going wrong that I don't work enough on the things that I can do well. But even with all this, the main message I got from General Conference this weekend (and its the same message every time I really listen to Conference) was that the Lord was telling me, "I love you--now go and do better."
Even with all that I'd like to do better, should do better, and might one day be able to do better, the Lord loves me--and all His children--and wants me (us) to know that. Once I have that feeling of love, I can get to work on filling my life with the things that are most important.

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